If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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