Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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