The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
