Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
