OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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