Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
