I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
