matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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