I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
