Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
