Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
