Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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