I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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