Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
