I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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