at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
