i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
