This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
