I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
