we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
