Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
