That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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