The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
