he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
