He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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