Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
