Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
