So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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