All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
