So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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