The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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