based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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