at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
