Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
