i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
