; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
