Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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