We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
