Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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