bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
