help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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