i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
