So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
