i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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