I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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