Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
