The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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