I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
