This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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