After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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