He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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