WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
