I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
